what am i supposed to do

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has weird existential crises every few months (...right?) but this latest one was brought about while having dinner with my oldest friend. Oldest as in we have known each other since kindergarten, not as in living in an old age home. Those friends throw me into an entirely different state of emotional and existential turmoil.

photo of me summer 2012 (?) taken by my friend claire, asbury park, nj

Anyway, we have been friends going on 18 years now, and even though we drifted apart after I transferred schools in the fifth grade our families have stayed close and we see each other a few times a year to catch up. Which works for us, since we have grown into very different people in the almost two decades of knowing each other.

Honestly, I've always thought that this friend didn't really "get" me because I was afraid she wouldn't see me as a different person from the one she knew when we were small, but I'm starting to figure out that maybe all the judgement I pass on other people is the same kind that I'm always assuming they pass on me, and not everyone thinks that way.

She's still a good friend, has always been nothing but sweet to me, I just need to let go of what I think she is like and actually get to know her. My perspective has been skewed, and I think we can be friends if I let us be.

I'll be 23 next week, and I still feel like I have so much growing up to do.