Projects and Ideas

I've been thinking about starting a new project and finally I'm going to stop thinking about doing it and actually do it. I tend to aspire to do things and surround myself with inspiration, but translating it to a tangible has been a struggle because I never know when to start.

I have to ask myself what am I waiting for? I put a lot of pressure on myself with my big ideas and potentially infinite resources (the reason I moved to New York, after all, is for its resources!). I need to just do instead of think, but hopefully I can balance the thinking with the production in a healthy way. 

I am excited for the future but the future is kinda already here, isn't it?


A Girl Moves to Brooklyn

Writing is cathartic for some people, and I used to think that it was for me too but seeing as all I can get myself to write these days are checks and grocery lists I think it's time to make myself flex the muscle on a more regular basis.
So I'm going to say that I am back, and not "hopefully" or "maybe" but for good.
I've been making a lot of changes lately, first and foremost my move to Brooklyn, NY this past May. Getting a full-time job, and finally feeling like I can take care of myself and separating myself from what I was used to for so long all came with the move, and I have proved to myself and my family that I am capable of doing things on my own. It's been hard but rewarding, and I am proud of myself. I've always had a hard time trying not to sell myself short (self deprecation is a habit I'm trying to quit) but I can honestly say that I'm proud of how far I have come and look forward to the future, even though the majority of what I dream about seems so unattainable that I worry I'm never going to make it. But here is to positive outlooks, new scenery, a newfound sense of wholeness and a change in perspective that I so desperately needed.
Keep moving forward.


what am i supposed to do

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has weird existential crises every few months (...right?) but this latest one was brought about while having dinner with my oldest friend. Oldest as in we have known each other since kindergarten, not as in living in an old age home. Those friends throw me into an entirely different state of emotional and existential turmoil.
photo of me summer 2012 (?) taken by my friend claire, asbury park, nj


i used to have a car but then i crashed it

I am a sentimental person in that I won't get rid of anything that I have attached sentimental value to (i.e. everything, old birthday cards, pretty tags, and the packaging to my semi-defunct 2004 iPod mini included) so naturally I'm leaving all my old blog content up for sentiment's sake. On the flip side, I think it's been long enough since I've last occupied his space for almost everyone who knew me in my blogger days to have thought I'd skipped town or worse. Fresh start!

 I also happen to do this thing where I follow people who are successful in the things I want to be successful at and completely ignore the fact that they work every day towards that success while I bitch and moan that I haven't gone anywhere with my life since graduation. Gotta put a stop to that. I'm not the type who makes resolutions but I am henceforth going to

-stop making comparisons between myself and people when I'm not working as hard as they are
-get a fucking job 
-write every goddamn day, because thinking about writing doesn't actually cut it these days
photos taken summer 2012 and spring 2013: fairfield, ct and asbury park, nj

peace, bitches 


still here

I'll keep this short; it's been a while, I'll see you soon. 


i can't help it if it's true

Before I forget, I wanted to share some of the things I got for my birthday and Christmas this past year. (Hard to believe that it's already March, is anyone else ding for it to be spring? I most certainly am, and cannot WAIT until warm weather creeps back into my life.)
I got a few more things besides this, but the best has to be this Anthroplogie lace dress I've been wanting forever, and these triple strap black ballet flats from Golden Ponies on etsy that I saw through Fieldguided (favorite blog. everything about this is appealing to me, and makes me want to specify my wardrobe/life to pastels and sailor stripes and cats. and really great bangs. which reminds you i forgot to show you my new hair. damn).
I still need an event for the dress, and I'm terrified of catching the lace on something whenever I even try it on, but the shoes have already gotten some action when the days are a bit less snowy. Pretty cool if you ask me.
I'm compiling a wishlist for spring, so expect to see something up here in the near future!


Begging you to sit for a portrait on the wall

so here it is; i am twenty years old. i don't have much to say, other than i can't believe that it is snowing again and slowly but surely i'm getting sick of winter. so, so done with the whole thing.
i need a fresh start; i've told you this already. so, though it's terribly cliche, i'm cutting and dying my hair this week. nothing too drastic yet. i've wanted to go blonde for years but the colorist doesn't want to damage my hair, so i'm getting highlights. also, though i do love having ridiculously long hair (it's down to my waist now) it's heavy as hell. and completely unmanageable for a girl with no idea how to do anything with it. pity, since only a few years ago i was dying for long hair, but whatever, don't we always want what we don't have?
please excuse the terribly unflattering photo of me with dirty hair and no make up; it was my birthday so i was allowed to be a slob. funny, since i had a birthday dress and all that picked out. of course i ended up wearing my most comfortable thrifted flannel and jeans, stuffing my face at my grandmother's house. a completely acceptable way to celebrate turning 20, i say. i suppose that speaks volumes about the kind of person i really am, doesn't it?
speaking of which, i've started writing in a journal, something i haven't done since i was eight or ten or so. there's something about getting words out on page in ink that has always drawn me to writing, hence the scores of notebooks lying about my room. i have a thing for buying moleskine journals, because i become entranced by the idea of filling them with pages of writing and drawings, but then think that my work isn't good enough so they go unused, and instead i have tens of sticky notes tacked to my walls with ideas and half formed poetry, waiting to be good enough to grace those pages. i'm really an awful english major, haha.
wow, well if you stuck around to read all that, thanks! the dozen roses were a gift from my mom, it's a standing tradition that she gives me roses on my birthday, and i love it. that and having red velvet cake are the two things i can count on each and every birthday. flowers are just what i need to help scare away the awful, deadened feeling winter seems to bring with it. why couldn't i have been born in the summer?
i'll show off the rest of my loot later, when i can get around to photographing it during the daylight hours. can you believe i've been sleeping in until noon almost this whole break? and not going to bed until as late as 5:30 am, mind you. i'm all mixed up.
just a reminder to check out my tumblr on occasion, since that's where i post all that inspires me/ the moods i'm in. it's like a mini peek into my little world. terribly pink if you ask me, but i guess that's what i'm into nowadays. also, i tend to update that way more often than i should.